Dear Relationshipper,

My boyfriend travels a lot on business and is out of town 2-4 nights a week.  My girlfriends are mostly unattached and like to go out several times a week so they frequently ask me to go too.  He trusts me so he doesn't mind if I go, but his parents think it's awful and keep voicing their opinion that I should stay home.

I don't go out with them every time and we do not go bar-hopping.  When I'm with them, we go out to dinner at places like Olive Garden or Applebee's and then to a movie.  When I'm not there, they go to nice places to dance.  Occasionally when we're at a restaurant, a guy or guys will try to send drinks and I exclude myself from that but I don't expect the others to decline because of me.

His parents happened to be at the same restaurant one night and saw me so they brought it up the next day when his mother called me.  She just wouldn't buy my explanation and it's been a sore topic for discussion since then.  My boyfriend is tired of them nagging about it but won't tell them to stop and says he doesn't expect me to change what I do either.

Is he being a wimp or am I placing too much importance on what his parents say?

Just Wants to Have Fun,
Boulder, CO

Dear Just,

I don’t think you’re being a wimp at all.  It’s natural to want to appear your best, when dealing with your boyfriend’s parents.  However, I do think they are giving you some undue judgment.

As long as you aren’t clearly scoping out guys, your BF’s parents have no business trying to tell you what to do with your social life.  Frankly, I find it a bit demeaning.  I’m sure you are a grown adult, and if anyone could get away with making some sort of comments about what you do with your free time, it would either be your boyfriend’s business, or maybe your own parents.  His parents’ opinion is unnecessary in a situation like this.

However, your boyfriend should be the one to tell his parents to stop nagging you.  If he doesn’t want to do that, then I would try and distance yourself from this situation.  If you have Caller ID, don’t pick up when his mother calls.  If you are around her and she brings up the topic, don’t get defensive, simply state that you would gladly spend more time at home if your boyfriend was there.  But since he is not, and you’re a very social person, you prefer to lean on your close group of girl friends for support.  Tell her you like to have someone to hang out with and talk about your day, and that there isn’t anything beyond that.  If she presses the issue, simply change the topic.  I highly doubt she will get in your face and start screaming, if you start talking to your boyfriend (or whoever else is around) about a new topic.

You won’t necessarily be able to change her mind, but you can certainly change yours.  Know that you aren’t doing anything wrong, and set it in your mind that you no longer want to hear any questioning about your social life, and maybe she will start to “get it”.

What’s your boyfriend like?  Tell me about him at: lisa@relationshipper.com