Saturday, July 24, 2010 / Labels:

July's Love Tip of the Month


“Opposites attract because they attempt to move towards the center that lies between them.  Two opposing qualities, personalities or viewpoints complement each other because they inspire awakening – which brings positive change, if you let it.”

So here we are, smack dab in the middle of Summer.  That doesn’t meant you have to let conflicts get you heated!  Let the “opposites” of your relationship bring you closer together when you meet in the middle.  Polarized attributes can bring about some really monumental transformation – and it doesn’t require fussing and fighting (although indeed, struggle is often part of change, even positive change).  Here are three ways to keep you focused on celebrating your differences:

1.)  Acknowledge the fact that you have attracted this person into your life.  If he’s a procrastinator, you may have an innate need to motivate others.  Regardless of his personality traits, there is something in you that craves his ways.  Take responsibility for your role in the relationship, and you will immediately gain power – because you are only in control of your own thoughts and actions…not his.

2.)  Try to remember what initially attracted you to your mate.  Was it his determined, “Type A” personality?  Oftentimes the traits that first attract us to someone end up being the same traits that get on our nerves after a few years.  This is because we instinctually desire growth, and what we are attracted to invariably produces personal growth.  So was it his aggressive personality something that you were attracted to in the beginning?  What changed?  Was it because it caused you to change?  How so?

3.)  Remember that whatever others do, it’s their own way of seeking love.  As strange as it may be to apply to this theory to actions stemming from anger, fear, neurosis and sadness, everything we do is to get closer to love.  We call each other names because it makes us feel more important, and therefore more lovable.  We are too afraid to step out of our comfort zone because we don’t want to be judged, and therefore less lovable.  Always try to look at your mate’s less desirable traits and examine how he or she is really seeking more love.

This is why it’s important to meet in the middle.  Our own individual personality traits are each beautiful in their own way, but when we get too “off-center”, it indicates an imbalance of our love for ourselves.  When we become too fearful, too domineering, or too passive, it means that we’ve lost some control.  Respect your partner’s differences, as their influence may be exactly what you need in your life.  Enjoy the move toward the center, as center equals equilibrium – also known as peace of mind.

Enjoy the rest of July!



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Sunday, April 18, 2010 / Labels: , ,

Son's Girlfriend's Father is His Wife's Lover?

Dear Relationshippper,

I just found out that my wife is having an affair with our son's girlfriend’s father (he is also married).  I am worried on so many different levels.
What should I do?


Dear Overwhelmed,

I’m sorry to hear of this trouble.  Certainly this must be a very hard time for you.  Coping with infidelity is a complex issue that can be dealt with in different ways by everyone.  Your objective right now may be to end your relationship with your wife, or it could be that you want to find a way to work things out with her.  The choice is yours.  However, I would like you to keep a few things in mind.

#1.    You must confront her about the affair.  Please don’t sweep this under the rug and deny its existence.  This is will only cause you to repress a lot of resentment and anger, which will either explode out of you at some point, or you will end up making yourself sick for bottling up all of this negative energy.

#2.    Don’t blame yourself.  While it’s true that you must be having some sort of problems in your relationship, your wife made the poor decision of finding love (or maybe just lust) somewhere else before either trying to resolve things with you, or breaking off the relationship.

#3.    Don’t get your son or his girlfriend involved.  You may at some point need to be honest with them about this situation, but I would avoid getting them involved at all costs.  If your son’s girlfriend’s father wants to tell her the truth, then let him make that decision.  I would probably not approach your son’s girlfriend’s wife, either.  It may be tempting to gain “power in numbers”, but it could also escalate this situation out of your control.

Best of luck to you.  It won’t be easy, but time heals all.  Try to keep a level head, and eventually things will work out.

Email me your questions to  I know, it’s yet another new email!

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/ Labels:

Stupid Arguments and How to Banish Them Forever

I've got a post over on the Yahoo "Shine" blog.  It's called "Stupid Arguments and How to Banish Them Forever".

Tell me what you think...did I miss anything?  Do you have your own techniques?

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Friday, April 16, 2010 / Labels:

Finally! "Instant Love Advice" Available on

Finally, my new book Instant Love Advice for Women is available on  There's been a lot of hard work and anxiety up until this point, but I am thrilled that it is finally available to the masses (masses = amazon availability, 'natch...)

I apologize for the product inundation the past couple of days, but I am trying to get used to the "sales" aspect of writing...which I absolutely detest.

If you do buy the book, please don't hesitate to post a review on amazon, good or bad.  Also, feel free to drop me a line at and let me know what I got right, and what I missed!

Hope to meet you soon,

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Wednesday, April 14, 2010 / Labels: ,

What To Do When You're Friend's Headed for Heartbreak.

Dear Relationshipper,

I have a very dear friend who has been dating a man for five years. He was married when they met. They were together as teens, but her mother broke them up. She waited for 5 years for this man to divorce his wife. He didn't. His wife divorced him. Now she's waiting patiently for him to get his act together and find a place to live, finish some projects he started at her home and decide when to marry her. It's never going to happen, in my opinion and if it does he will never make her happy because he drinks from the minute he wakes until he passes out at night. What could she be thinking? How can I make her see that he will ruin her life?

Katrina, TN

Dear Katrina,

This is another one of those situations where unfortunately you just have to stay out of it.  The bad news about this situation is its inevitable “bad ending”.  The good news is that hopefully it’s only a matter of time before your friend sees the light.  The worst news is that there is no way you can personally make her see what she’s doing.  She had to find out for herself.

I always encourage people to be honest with their friends when they’re in a bad relationship.  By all means, let your friend know the truth.  But if it looks as though it’s going in one ear and out the other, don’t waste your breath – save the oxygen for the deep breaths you’ll need to calm yourself down in the future.

Unfortunately, your friendship may suffer because of this unhealthy relationship she has with this man.  You may find that it’s best for you to keep a distance from your friend while she comes to her senses (or not).  If you do decide to part ways, it won’t necessarily be a bad thing.  If she doesn’t realize her mistakes, you’ll save yourself a whole lot of grief.  If she does, then she’ll realize you were right all along, and want to rekindle your friendship.

Hang in there.  Friends who make really poor decisions tend to drag us down emotionally and spiritually.  Keep your focus on the positive things in your life, and try not to be brought down by your friend, even though it’s because you care about her so much.

Got more questions?  Email me at:

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Monday, April 12, 2010 / Labels:

"Instant Love Advice" Coming Soon! Plus, New Website.

I'm happy to say that "Instant Love Advice for Women" is in the final stages of production.  I'm hoping it will be available for purchase by May 1st - although I think that might be pushing it.

I'm also working on the ILA4W website, located at  It's still in limbo at the moment, but will be neatened up soon.

Stop by and check it out when you have a chance...maybe even reserve your copy! : )

Thanks to all who helped me write this, including my boyfriend Matt - who has helped me not only in my writing career, but in the rest of my life too.  He helped me develop the relationship maturity that I needed to write this book.

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Saturday, April 10, 2010 / Labels: ,

Guest Post: Pamela Hilliard Owens on Her Successful Marriage

Today we have guest poster Pamela Hilliard Owens of Writing It Right For You stopping by to talk about her happy marriage.  There are few topics that I enjoy more.  It's so relaxing and reassuring to hear about how to make things work as opposed to hearing about what can go wrong.  Let's now turn it over to Pamela so she can tell us her story:

Relationships do turn out well; marriages do work. Besides the regular “love”, the two reasons why our marriage works is that we decided long ago that we were “best friends” and we made a “this is it” commitment. Of course we have arguments and disagreements and get angry at each other. Even after all of this time, it is sometimes a daily task to work through whatever needs to be resolved. My husband talks FOREVER; I have learned to ask for the “short version”! I have never “forgiven” him for eating ALL of the leftover chicken himself before I got home from work one day in 1999. But our basic values and common interests are the same, and we laugh much more than we argue. Our wedding anniversary is September 11; I wrote this little story several years ago and post it on my blog every year. How do we do it? Being together is much better than being apart.
September 11th

September 11, 1998.

That is our wedding anniversary. It was chosen totally by accident: after "being friends" for over ten years, we decided in August 1997, to "take our relationship to the next level". After several rounds of "telephone tag", we made a date on Thursday, September 11, 1997 to discuss taking "the big step". By Thanksgiving we knew we would always be together; we just knew. Everything went well and in February 1998, we became engaged. We chose as our wedding date, Friday, September 11, 1998--only because that date was exactly one year from the day we decided to make our relationship permanent. Besides, our wedding was very small: 10 guests, the minister, and our favorite Patti LaBelle song on CD. Then came 2001--after experiencing the shock along with the rest of America, I was kinda "bummed" that the Attacks happened on our third wedding anniversary, until…on Thursday, September 13, 2001, I saw a gentleman on TV walking around and around the Pentagon looking totally despondent and lost. I found out from the TV commentary that September 11 2001 was his TWENTY-FIFTH wedding anniversary, and he had lost his wife in the Pentagon. They were going to have a celebration dinner that night after she came home from work...of course, she never did come home. I was never "bummed" again; and the picture of that lost and broken man will never leave me.

Pamela Hilliard Owens

After a career of 35+ years in education, collaborative sales and sales management and marketing, I started my own freelance writing and editing business in July of 2008. My company, Writing It Right for You knows that "It Matters How You Say It"! I work with individuals, graduate and post-graduate students, and businesses throughout the United States, Canada, the Middle East, India, Russia, Australia, New Zealand and the United Kingdom on a variety of academic and business writing and editing projects.

My specialties include working with graduate students--especially ESL students, anything involving education, ghost-writing and working with authors, writing web content, social media marketing and networking, direct sales, and writing and editing various papers of any length involving research and/or APA citations. I also do affiliate marketing and maintain more than three personal, political and business blogs and guest blog for several clients around the world. 

My office is open Mondays-Fridays 9am-5pm US ET; I can be reached at any time by phone, fax, Skype, Gtalk, Yahoo IM, and email. I am a full-time, mature and experienced researcher, writer and editor; my office is fully equipped with the latest hardware, high-speed Internet, FTP and MS 2007 Office Suite. I am also proficient in Web 2.0 apps and social media.

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