Dear Relationshippper,

I just found out that my wife is having an affair with our son's girlfriend’s father (he is also married).  I am worried on so many different levels.
What should I do?

Sincerely,
Overwhelmed

Dear Overwhelmed,

I’m sorry to hear of this trouble.  Certainly this must be a very hard time for you.  Coping with infidelity is a complex issue that can be dealt with in different ways by everyone.  Your objective right now may be to end your relationship with your wife, or it could be that you want to find a way to work things out with her.  The choice is yours.  However, I would like you to keep a few things in mind.

#1.    You must confront her about the affair.  Please don’t sweep this under the rug and deny its existence.  This is will only cause you to repress a lot of resentment and anger, which will either explode out of you at some point, or you will end up making yourself sick for bottling up all of this negative energy.

#2.    Don’t blame yourself.  While it’s true that you must be having some sort of problems in your relationship, your wife made the poor decision of finding love (or maybe just lust) somewhere else before either trying to resolve things with you, or breaking off the relationship.

#3.    Don’t get your son or his girlfriend involved.  You may at some point need to be honest with them about this situation, but I would avoid getting them involved at all costs.  If your son’s girlfriend’s father wants to tell her the truth, then let him make that decision.  I would probably not approach your son’s girlfriend’s wife, either.  It may be tempting to gain “power in numbers”, but it could also escalate this situation out of your control.

Best of luck to you.  It won’t be easy, but time heals all.  Try to keep a level head, and eventually things will work out.

Email me your questions to lisa@instantloveadvice.com.  I know, it’s yet another new email!

I've got a post over on the Yahoo "Shine" blog.  It's called "Stupid Arguments and How to Banish Them Forever".

Tell me what you think...did I miss anything?  Do you have your own techniques?

Dear Relationshipper,

I have a very dear friend who has been dating a man for five years. He was married when they met. They were together as teens, but her mother broke them up. She waited for 5 years for this man to divorce his wife. He didn't. His wife divorced him. Now she's waiting patiently for him to get his act together and find a place to live, finish some projects he started at her home and decide when to marry her. It's never going to happen, in my opinion and if it does he will never make her happy because he drinks from the minute he wakes until he passes out at night. What could she be thinking? How can I make her see that he will ruin her life?

Katrina, TN

Dear Katrina,

This is another one of those situations where unfortunately you just have to stay out of it.  The bad news about this situation is its inevitable “bad ending”.  The good news is that hopefully it’s only a matter of time before your friend sees the light.  The worst news is that there is no way you can personally make her see what she’s doing.  She had to find out for herself.

I always encourage people to be honest with their friends when they’re in a bad relationship.  By all means, let your friend know the truth.  But if it looks as though it’s going in one ear and out the other, don’t waste your breath – save the oxygen for the deep breaths you’ll need to calm yourself down in the future.

Unfortunately, your friendship may suffer because of this unhealthy relationship she has with this man.  You may find that it’s best for you to keep a distance from your friend while she comes to her senses (or not).  If you do decide to part ways, it won’t necessarily be a bad thing.  If she doesn’t realize her mistakes, you’ll save yourself a whole lot of grief.  If she does, then she’ll realize you were right all along, and want to rekindle your friendship.

Hang in there.  Friends who make really poor decisions tend to drag us down emotionally and spiritually.  Keep your focus on the positive things in your life, and try not to be brought down by your friend, even though it’s because you care about her so much.

Got more questions?  Email me at: Lisa@instantloveadvice.com.

I'm happy to say that "Instant Love Advice for Women" is in the final stages of production.  I'm hoping it will be available for purchase by May 1st - although I think that might be pushing it.

I'm also working on the ILA4W website, located at www.instantloveadvice.com.  It's still in limbo at the moment, but will be neatened up soon.

Stop by and check it out when you have a chance...maybe even reserve your copy! : )

Thanks to all who helped me write this, including my boyfriend Matt - who has helped me not only in my writing career, but in the rest of my life too.  He helped me develop the relationship maturity that I needed to write this book.

Today we have guest poster Pamela Hilliard Owens of Writing It Right For You stopping by to talk about her happy marriage.  There are few topics that I enjoy more.  It's so relaxing and reassuring to hear about how to make things work as opposed to hearing about what can go wrong.  Let's now turn it over to Pamela so she can tell us her story:

That is our wedding anniversary. It was chosen totally by accident: after "being friends" for over ten years, we decided in August 1997, to "take our relationship to the next level". After several rounds of "telephone tag", we made a date on Thursday, September 11, 1997 to discuss taking "the big step". By Thanksgiving we knew we would always be together; we just knew. Everything went well and in February 1998, we became engaged. We chose as our wedding date, Friday, September 11, 1998--only because that date was exactly one year from the day we decided to make our relationship permanent. Besides, our wedding was very small: 10 guests, the minister, and our favorite Patti LaBelle song on CD. Then came 2001--after experiencing the shock along with the rest of America, I was kinda "bummed" that the Attacks happened on our third wedding anniversary, until…on Thursday, September 13, 2001, I saw a gentleman on TV walking around and around the Pentagon looking totally despondent and lost. I found out from the TV commentary that September 11 2001 was his TWENTY-FIFTH wedding anniversary, and he had lost his wife in the Pentagon. They were going to have a celebration dinner that night after she came home from work...of course, she never did come home. I was never "bummed" again; and the picture of that lost and broken man will never leave me.


Pamela Hilliard Owens

After a career of 35+ years in education, collaborative sales and sales management and marketing, I started my own freelance writing and editing business in July of 2008. My company, Writing It Right for You knows that "It Matters How You Say It"! I work with individuals, graduate and post-graduate students, and businesses throughout the United States, Canada, the Middle East, India, Russia, Australia, New Zealand and the United Kingdom on a variety of academic and business writing and editing projects.

My specialties include working with graduate students--especially ESL students, anything involving education, ghost-writing and working with authors, writing web content, social media marketing and networking, direct sales, and writing and editing various papers of any length involving research and/or APA citations. I also do affiliate marketing and maintain more than three personal, political and business blogs and guest blog for several clients around the world. 

My office is open Mondays-Fridays 9am-5pm US ET; I can be reached at any time by phone, fax, Skype, Gtalk, Yahoo IM, and email. I am a full-time, mature and experienced researcher, writer and editor; my office is fully equipped with the latest hardware, high-speed Internet, FTP and MS 2007 Office Suite. I am also proficient in Web 2.0 apps and social media.