Today, get ready for a humorous treat.  Our new friend Gary Morgenstein (of www.garymorgenstein.com), has given us a list of do's and dont's for finding new love in places such as a bookstore or doctor's waiting room.  Sometimes we get a little too serious when it comes to matters of the heart, but Gary says, "If you can't smile when you're dating, you are toast when it comes to building a relationship."  Check out his website at www.garymorgenstein.com to buy "How to Find a Woman...Or Not" or one of his other great books!

 DICKENS, KING, PICOULT AND TRUE LOVE

By Gary Morgenstein

In my book How to Find a Woman…Or Not, I attack loneliness by suggesting that all the world is a potential singles bar to meet your soul mate. It could be the gym, airport terminal, laundromats – or bookstores and doctor’s offices. Bookstores are one of my favorites for meeting smart and attractive women in a non-threatening environment.

However, like anything, there are do’s and don’t’s!

1.    Know your crowd. Slapping your thigh and shouting, Has Bill O’Reilly nailed these rotten socialists won’t go over well with someone wearing a Nancy Pelosi “She’s My Man” button

2.    Squatting on the floor amid a pile of reading material suggests you have absolutely nowhere better to go, like to a job

3.    Don’t discard a cook book with a sneer, That is not how you prepare goose

4.    Avoid discount racks, shows you’re cheap -- if you’re skimping on a book, why would she think you’ll take her somewhere nice when you go out?

1.    THE PROP!! Carry a couple intelligent novels around the store as if deciding which to purchase

2.    We all have different interpretations of intelligent, somewhere between James Patterson and Theodore Dreiser. My personal favorite would be anything by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

3.    If asked whether you’d read the book, I’m really looking forward to this, I haven’t read him in many years

4.    If you’re in a decidedly liberal urban area, shake Sarah Palin’s book Who’d like to join me in a good book burning party?

1.    Travel books. Shows you like to take vacations. Thumb through a book of exotic locations, exclaiming Next summer, here I come

2.    Cook books, duh, for those chilly nights when you concoct something together

3.    Obscurity always works, like Peruvian Desserts in 20 Minutes

4.    Grilling/barbecue books hint you might own a weekend getaway

5.    Popular fiction. Women buy the preponderance of fiction

6.    But are you buying a book for your girl friend?

7.    No, you’re there to buy one for a woman colleague – can you recommend something?

8.    Bicycling books are always a winner because biking connotes stopping overnight at an in of her choice

       Don’t discount the possibility of finding love while treating your sinus infection, long as you follow some rules:

1.    You demonstrate a sensitive side that isn’t only concerned with looks

2.    You can imagine what she’ll look like when the swelling goes down and the stitches heal

3.    You’re so confident of your own prognosis that you can concentrate on hers, which bespeaks a future where her interests predominate

4.    She is in a vulnerable emotional place, making her susceptible to your charms

5.    Plus an office is a contained area and she’ll probably not leave before her wound is cleaned just to avoid you

1.    On general principles, avoid a woman with any signs of pus

2.    Don’t poke her awake if she’s passed out because the pain killers have worn off

3.    Hitting on a girl who’s temporarily blind is a bit low, unless she is especially foxy

4.    Never ask what’s wrong -- ‘cause she might ask you and what if your ailments gross her out

5.    Don’t make her talk after she’s had root canal

6.    If she is talking, don’t say how cute, you sound just like Daffy Duck

1.    Criticizing insurance companies provides an acceptable common enemy and, if she is an apologist for an insurance company, do you really want anything to do with her?

2.    Praise the doctor as someone you have long had great faith in, this way you can claim credit if she likes him

3.    If she ultimately sues the doctor for malpractice, she will probably be too deformed for you to have any interest anyway