Dear Relationshipper,

I sat down at my computer the other day, after my husband was done with it, and was surfing on the internet, and hit the "back" button a few too many times, and wound up at the login screen of a gay dating site.

How do I ask him about this activity, without accusing him of anything?

Sincerely,
Worried.

Dear Worried,

Since this is a relationship advice website, I won’t get too technical into computer talk.  However, if you check the history of your computer, you will be able to see if multiple pages were viewed at this gay dating site.  There are various methods with each type of browser, but usually if you hit Control + H, the history screen will pop up.

I say this because the whole thing could be a misunderstanding – I think most of us have hit upon websites by accident that we would never intentionally visit.  There are various ways this can happen: clicking on a banner ad, having a friend send us a link to something without telling us what it is, or even typing in the wrong web address.

If you still want to ask him about the site, first think about how you would want to be approached about the same problem.  If you were on a gay dating site and got caught, how would you want your husband to broach the topic?

I would start off by telling him, in a kind, gentle voice, that you accidentally opened the history on the computer and noticed the website.  Say, “I don’t think I went there, did you?”  Unless he is a spectacular liar, his face will reveal the truth.  If he looks shocked, this may segway into a more serious conversation.  If he laughs, admitting that he got there by accident, then this whole thing will be realized as a silly misunderstanding.

I prefer the casual method when broaching uncomfortable situations such as these.  This may not be the most effective technique for everyone, but can work for many.  If you have any other ways you'd deal with it, leave a comment below!

Lisa

Got any other computer-related relationship issues?  Email me at: lisa@relationshipper.com.  I'll even help you delve further into how to search for user web history.