Have I Got a Date For You!

Dear Relationshipper,

Now that I've driven myself nuts trying to decide what to do, I want to ask your opinion to see how other people might see things.

A few years ago I started working at a large company and became very friendly with a few people who are all nice, decent, bright, and socialize outside the office.  One gal - I'll call her Jane - has been asking me to go on a blind date with someone she says is ideal for me.  Jane and I are a lot alike with many of the same favorites in music, food, movies, books, views on politics and religion, etc.  She's been married for about 2 years to her 2nd husband and he often joins the office group since he also works for the company but in a different division.

The guy she wants to set me up with is her ex-husband.  I know it sounded weird to me at first but now I'm almost able to think the idea isn't so bizarre.  They get along and their divorce was civil with no anger or bitterness.  They got married young, had no kids, and just drifted apart as they grew up in different directions.  There was no 3rd party involved.  Jane's mother tells me he has an open invitation to any event at their house cause the whole family still likes him but they all feel it was the best thing for them to get divorced.  She thinks I should meet him and ignore any raised eyebrows.

Do you think this is workable or should I stay away from the situation?

Portland, OR

Dear Unsure,

You have to hand it to your friend and her ex – they have obviously mastered the ability to let go of the past.  It’s rare to find a woman who would whole-heartedly encourage another woman to date her ex-husband.

No one will be able to tell you whether this situation will work out or not.  No one will be able to tell you if it will be “too weird” or not.  My gut reaction is that it will definitely be too weird – but I believe that love should always be given a chance.

My suggestion is that you go out on a date with him, and don’t tell any of your coworkers except for your friend.  Ask her not to tell her family, or anyone else.  See if you even like the guy at all.  If it turns out that you go on a date with him and the two of you are obviously incompatible, then there isn’t an issue to deal with anyway.

If the two of you really hit it off, you will be more motivated to deal with any possible judgments from others.  I am less concerned about what others will think of your situation, and more concerned about any potential awkwardness between the three of you.  If you sincerely find that your coworker and this guy have no “unfinished business”, then I wouldn’t worry about anything else!  There definitely is a possibility that this idea is so crazy it just might work – and if that is the case, then by all means…go out with him!


Are you in an unusual dating situation?  Email it to me at: lisa@relationshipper.com.


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